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Hi guys! wow it has been a real while since the last time lol.

            This is one of the issue that bothers me the most. It's literally about what I want in life. To be honest, I don't really know. I'm not good in this. When I was in primary school, I wanted to be an astronaut or something to do with the universe; I was deeply in love with the magnificent master piece and want to continue mesmerizing myself by discovering more through my career.

             As I continue growing up, when I was in secondary school I start to enhance my artsy skills. I may not so good in arts but to be honest, I really think that I have the talent. I have a cousin, she's a very successful architecture and really did inspire me, thus making me believe that architect is the right thing for me as I genuinely cannot figure anything else. It's like my safety pin that holds me together. As lots of people keep asking me of what I want to be and what's my main interest and it really mess up bcs I don't have one, that's not a good thing. If you ever answer 'no, not yet. I don't really know what I want to be', it makes people around keep pushing on and throwing the questions off nonstop; either it's your uncle's aunts, teachers or friends, sometimes maybe even yourself. Thank God, I have a really understanding parents. They believe in me and give me chance to decide what I really love to. They have never mentioned 'i want you to be a doctor, as it's in the what-parents-want-the-most list' instead they kept saying 'it doesn't matter what your career is, it's about you. It's your life you decide'. I claimed that I want to be an architect when I chose sc stream. From there, they keep supporting me on being an architect.

             I just got my results for Sem 1 recently. It really surprised the shine out of me. I shooketh that even tears were streaming down my cheeks. I was alone that time so imagine how freak out I was. To speak the truth, I work so hard for Sem 1 that my friend didn't stop telling me 'you studied all the time!' tbh it really annoys and freaks me out. I'm so not comfortable every time they tell me so. Can anyone even stand it? (Sorry guys, ily-guys-sm but I just don't really prefer this one *awkwardly smile) and I'm really sorry tho if I kind of put some pressure on you guys but seriously that's how *put my name* does her work lol. I have been facing the same issue back in school for 2 years lol you guys put so much pressure on me as well for acknowledging how hard I work with not so good results.

             Okay back to what i'm trying to convey. My results was pretty good and I'm so proud of myself. Obviously it wasn't the perfecto one, but it is more than enough to make me feel relieved that my hard work paid off. I'm so so so happy, I've never manage to get a freaking straight A in my life, not even spm which I work my cake off but Alhamdulillah for this one, Allah surely knows and acknowledge that I've worked so hard and I deserve this. He's very fair; if you deserve it, sure you'll get it one day. This is such a great starting point for my University life and a working magic spell to mend me as I was really turned into despair--about my spm result.

             Lately, I've been thinking; what if I choose medicine if I manage to seize good grades? Most of the people really want to do it, and sometimes maybe they are better in other parts of skills. And I've made up my mind, if I manage to ace my Sem 2 just like what I did in Sem 1, I'm going to take medicine if I have the chance. Truthfully, doctor has never even been on my career list. I never think of being one even since I was a kid. Isn't it strange? Doctor is one of the common career you'd pick when your teacher asks you 'what do you want to be when you've grown up?' but I'm out of that list. I'm afraid of blood and I don't have the guts to watch someone who just got into an accident and torn his face apart with dripping of blood from his soaked bloody shirt and was severely injured. Then how can I even pull myself together to hold a scalpel and fixing his body through surgeries? I was so scared back then. Then I used astronaut, architecture, and before this accountant as my excuses. Can you see? Those career has a large diff gap between each one smh.

             But now, I think differently. I realize that I've been worrying too much and letting the negativity persuaded and I dug too deep to find the detrimental. To choose doctor as your career isn't that bad. It's an honor to be one, indeed. You're helping people, you're saving life. Most importantly you're making someone's life better than ever which makes them appreciate every little things, which will not just cause sheer of joy to the patient but also people surrounding him. Imagine, how many life's I could save then? Isn't great to help someone out? And the journey of medicine, for sure, isn't an old happy-ending fairytale. But people need you, and I really think it worth it at the very end!

             This is just my honest opinion, I really want to spill this out bcs it has been wandering in my mind for awhile, so I need to let it out. Whatever my future will be or my career is, I still believe it's gonna be the best since Allah knows the best, after all! And one day, I'm going to look back at this while I'm already in a career :)

What would you guys be? And why is it? If you don't mind, just share why you choose a career. I'd love to know it too :)