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Hi guys! wow it has been a real while since the last time lol.

            This is one of the issue that bothers me the most. It's literally about what I want in life. To be honest, I don't really know. I'm not good in this. When I was in primary school, I wanted to be an astronaut or something to do with the universe; I was deeply in love with the magnificent master piece and want to continue mesmerizing myself by discovering more through my career.

             As I continue growing up, when I was in secondary school I start to enhance my artsy skills. I may not so good in arts but to be honest, I really think that I have the talent. I have a cousin, she's a very successful architecture and really did inspire me, thus making me believe that architect is the right thing for me as I genuinely cannot figure anything else. It's like my safety pin that holds me together. As lots of people keep asking me of what I want to be and what's my main interest and it really mess up bcs I don't have one, that's not a good thing. If you ever answer 'no, not yet. I don't really know what I want to be', it makes people around keep pushing on and throwing the questions off nonstop; either it's your uncle's aunts, teachers or friends, sometimes maybe even yourself. Thank God, I have a really understanding parents. They believe in me and give me chance to decide what I really love to. They have never mentioned 'i want you to be a doctor, as it's in the what-parents-want-the-most list' instead they kept saying 'it doesn't matter what your career is, it's about you. It's your life you decide'. I claimed that I want to be an architect when I chose sc stream. From there, they keep supporting me on being an architect.

             I just got my results for Sem 1 recently. It really surprised the shine out of me. I shooketh that even tears were streaming down my cheeks. I was alone that time so imagine how freak out I was. To speak the truth, I work so hard for Sem 1 that my friend didn't stop telling me 'you studied all the time!' tbh it really annoys and freaks me out. I'm so not comfortable every time they tell me so. Can anyone even stand it? (Sorry guys, ily-guys-sm but I just don't really prefer this one *awkwardly smile) and I'm really sorry tho if I kind of put some pressure on you guys but seriously that's how *put my name* does her work lol. I have been facing the same issue back in school for 2 years lol you guys put so much pressure on me as well for acknowledging how hard I work with not so good results.

             Okay back to what i'm trying to convey. My results was pretty good and I'm so proud of myself. Obviously it wasn't the perfecto one, but it is more than enough to make me feel relieved that my hard work paid off. I'm so so so happy, I've never manage to get a freaking straight A in my life, not even spm which I work my cake off but Alhamdulillah for this one, Allah surely knows and acknowledge that I've worked so hard and I deserve this. He's very fair; if you deserve it, sure you'll get it one day. This is such a great starting point for my University life and a working magic spell to mend me as I was really turned into despair--about my spm result.

             Lately, I've been thinking; what if I choose medicine if I manage to seize good grades? Most of the people really want to do it, and sometimes maybe they are better in other parts of skills. And I've made up my mind, if I manage to ace my Sem 2 just like what I did in Sem 1, I'm going to take medicine if I have the chance. Truthfully, doctor has never even been on my career list. I never think of being one even since I was a kid. Isn't it strange? Doctor is one of the common career you'd pick when your teacher asks you 'what do you want to be when you've grown up?' but I'm out of that list. I'm afraid of blood and I don't have the guts to watch someone who just got into an accident and torn his face apart with dripping of blood from his soaked bloody shirt and was severely injured. Then how can I even pull myself together to hold a scalpel and fixing his body through surgeries? I was so scared back then. Then I used astronaut, architecture, and before this accountant as my excuses. Can you see? Those career has a large diff gap between each one smh.

             But now, I think differently. I realize that I've been worrying too much and letting the negativity persuaded and I dug too deep to find the detrimental. To choose doctor as your career isn't that bad. It's an honor to be one, indeed. You're helping people, you're saving life. Most importantly you're making someone's life better than ever which makes them appreciate every little things, which will not just cause sheer of joy to the patient but also people surrounding him. Imagine, how many life's I could save then? Isn't great to help someone out? And the journey of medicine, for sure, isn't an old happy-ending fairytale. But people need you, and I really think it worth it at the very end!

             This is just my honest opinion, I really want to spill this out bcs it has been wandering in my mind for awhile, so I need to let it out. Whatever my future will be or my career is, I still believe it's gonna be the best since Allah knows the best, after all! And one day, I'm going to look back at this while I'm already in a career :)

What would you guys be? And why is it? If you don't mind, just share why you choose a career. I'd love to know it too :)

Hi guys!

So in my previous entry, I talked about my plans. So after I wrapped up my entry, I called my dad. And his reaction was "tanya ibu", obviously my heart was pumping so fast and everything crossed my mind. What if he doesn't allow?? GOSH NO all I want to hear is a 'yes' and I would reject a no. So I sent some pictures detailing the run and so on. And soon he went back, he didn't say anything. He remained silent. For the whole night. I though of giving him so space... to think. Well, I'm so understandable. Ha-Ha.

That night was kind of weird.. as far as I remember, he didn't even mention about the run, that night. I was so nervous. I got the feelings that it might be a bad sign. I pretended so hard to be and to ACT normal that night (it was so tiring to pretend ugh)-as if nothing happenend and as if I-don't-really-mind-if-it's-a-no (ok I lied but what can I do?)

The next morning, I woke up kind of late, and as soon as I went out of my room, dad suddenly gave me a happiness-fever when he approached "nak pergi, pergi la. nanti register", WOW are you happy? nahh bcs I am!!! hehe seriously I quickly turned around to let out my unstoppable-broad-smile. wohoo!

I was so happy I didn't about my other plan, lepak at a restaurant that saturday lol. Tbh I didn't ask my to drive.. I just asked my mom to send me over. And guess what happened? It was the worst day ever. It took about 40mins to arrive to the place where we promised to meet. My mom wanted to go to a wedding (somewhere nearby the restaurant) with my dad. So she dropped me there, and went back home which is another 40mins and went back for a wedding. Okay, the thing is, when I was about 15mins to arrive, my friend texted me something.

And bla bla, the plan was cancelled. ops. I was about to burst out, but oh I was alone.. at the restaurant. I just didn't have the gut to tell my mom "oh the plan is cancelled" when she drove for several minutes just to know that it was wasted. I put my act on and pretended as if everything was okay. So I went inside the restaurant shamelessly alone, sitted on a table of four chairs. I played with my phone as soon as I sit -to reduce the tendecy of people to think I'm lonely. A waiter came and looking at me dubiously "Aaa.. kak?", emphasizing the pen and notebook he was holding, I think it was so clear- I was so ashame. I made my order, "mi goreng dgn milo ais", and he was kind of -surprised (?) should I say? He said "bungkus?", and that explains of what he thinks of me -oh this akak want to bungkus, don't tell me that she's going to have lunch all alone?

I beamed 'widely' as I said "makan sini". Fyi I woke up at 11am that moring HAHA and we promised to meet at 11am. UGHH luckily I just woke up doh at that time. I was rushingg, took my bath, dressed up, and then left asap. My rushingness wasn't worth it at all. Thus, I hadn't even took my breakfast. So it was my brunch. I didn't want to be late so when I woke up, breakfast didn't even cross my mind. What a good friend am I.

After an hour I called my mom and told her I wanted to go to the wedding (I hate weddings sigh but ye la I had no choice) with them bcs I can't stand acting as if I was finishing my food for another hour. When my parents arrived, my mom was like "mana kawan? dah balik?", I just couldn't keep it to myself so I told the truth, and my mom started babbling, "haa selalu macam tu kan. plan plan, lepas tu tak jadi. semua tak jadi", omg HA-HA it was just too much (my mom's complain) but yeah that's enough la

What a bad plan

Have you ever experienced this before? This usually happens to girls!! Haha plan lama gila, but end up cancelled lol.

Hi guys, so I'm back!

First of all, about my 'faith or fate' entry, I actually saved it as a draft and accidentally published it ha-ha! I actually wanted to write more, it supposed to be a long entry, I even pictured and drafted the storyline in my mind but oh well, I stopped and suddenly forgot about it hehe.

It seems like I've got some warm replies and I'm totally happy about it; at least I know that someone's here with me, and I'm not babbling all to myself. I really wanted to write, to share everything and anything that I feel, but, I just hate the idea of typing and sitting down for a few hours.

So tap tap tap, it's already May! Oh my gosh, I honestly can't believe it. Time flies so fast, isn't it?! We're already half the way to 2018! geez, I never thought about 2018 because I didn't imagine that we'll be living in 2017 either? (eh) This is just out of my predictions...

Today, I don't really have a specific topic to talk about. I just got my license 3-4 weeks ago, unfortunately, I still have no guts to drive-okay first, I want to drive so bad but I'm just afraid if tetiba enjin mati tengah tengah jalan and other worst thing?? and second, my dad is wayyy too busy (can you tell me, when is the time that he's not busy? sigh), so I technically don't have much time to practice driving with my dad.. and plus, my dad is being a typical caring dad-who's afraid and worries about her lovely daughter (eheh), so for now, he won't let me simply drive out of our housing area.

The problem is, I planned to lepak with my friends this saturday. Okay I have a kind of problem with my friends actually haha, I'll explain it to you guys later la. Not this time. Just so that you know, and to make it simple and sweet, I don't really have friends around my housing area. My ex-schoolmates (daily sch friends) are like 40mins far away from my housing area. So... it's kind of far to meet them. Not to mention, I went to boarding school-technically my batchmates come from all over Malaysia HA-HA

okay about the lepak thinggy, we want to go to a mall so that we can karoak and do all the fun things la instead of makan makan dkt a restaurant. Actually, it has been a while since the last time I met them so we want to do something that probably won't turn our lepak to an awkward situation-lol. so since I'm the only legal person to drive, so the hopes are on my shoulder. geez, I want to drive my friends too-that's my all time dream since I was a kid ok. To drive my friends to places.

Anddddd my friend told me about an allteammate torch light run (it sounds really really FUN, isn't it?) I was triggered lol because once, there was heroic run (it seems so much more fun geez), and I really wanted to go! but it was on friday night, and it was held at shah alam.. so jauh. And my friend pij, went there. I was so jealous.. and broken lol. I've always wanted to join such run marathons! ex; colour run AWH THAT MUST BE FUN :( Aside from keeping your body fit, you'll also have such a great time, aye? *wink

So this time, semangat membuak buak, and  pij invited me to sleep over. wushhhhhhh, I was even MORE happier hehe I've went to her house once, so the idea of coming to her house and get the chance to meet pij is the happiest news ever. And I hardly persuaded my friend, z to join us over! The fact that she'll be joining us is like when atravelerr finds an oscar. Haha I'm too much, I know :p

And the problem is, it's far. Oh no, that's not the actual problem. My dad  has to send me to ktm which is about an hour and a half from my house. and the journey to pij's house would take about 4 hours lol, so far aight. plus, my mom needs to go to kelantan for days so.. hm I just hope I can go to pij's house :(

Thus do you ever experience that situation, when you have to ask permissions from your dad. It's just too much things to ask about such as a new shoes and have a good dinner outside. You can't ask both in the same time- because it would look like too much HAHA and maybe our dads' response would strictly gonna be 'NO' and that is when your heart smash into tiny pieces; no more hopes.

Aish, so I'm so confused right now. And I went to kl for twice, on April 16 and 22, so... hahaha so dah banyak kali keluar huhu alamak macam mana ni (sad face). I refuse to ask because I'm too afraid of the answer, I don't know.. either yes or now.. probably he would say yes to sleep over at pij's but no to driving and my mom would fetch us instead lol.

Yeah that's all. I'd rather give him a call than to say it face to face HAHA. but I think he'll said, "nanti la dekat rumah", so.. yeah *roll eyes* huhu and whenever I meets him dkt rumah, I couldn't control myself but to smile endlessly and giggles to myself. I'm such mad girl.

So have any of you experienced this too? What did you guys ask and what was your dad's response? Feel free to share down below :)

p/s; I'll tell you guys what happens next, either yes or no lol

Hello,

Last but not least, good luck 99s for your result!!!!! In shaa Allah, together we can do it :)